The Deeply Loved Project | My Adoption Story Part 2
The Deeply Loved Project
AHHH! The day completely got away from me and I looked up at 8:20 and said “Oh my gosh, it’s the 22nd. hahaha! OOPS! Oh well, never too late I guess! In other news, the three families that will be the first time be featured in The Deeply Loved Project have been selected!!! Head over to my FB Page and give them some love!
Part 2 of this incredible God-story is finally here! I can’t believe I’m about to reveal this part of my story for the first time EVER! I secretly wish that every mean kid of person from Part 1 could see this and just be totally amazed! haha! By the way, if you haven’t read part one, PLEASE start there. This will be so much more climactic if you do, i promise! hahaha
Well hang on to your hats guys cause here it is!
Part 2 of My Adoption Story: The Turning Point
I had been approached before about going to counseling but I rejected the idea. It came across as a negative thing to do. The way Alexa talked about it, however, made it seem normal. What she didn’t know was how impactful her words were to me. Strong words, yes, but it takes a true friend to identify pain in someone’s life, call it out, and still want to help. Had it not been for her tough love, I may have made even bigger mistakes. To this day, I’ll never forget the words she said to me in such a crucial time in my life. In that situation, her friendship loved my back to life! So with her support, I made my first appointment.
Now, I’m not going to say it was easy to get myself there because it wasn’t, but something was calling me to go. Initially, we talked about my breakup, but as any good counselor will do, she dug deeper and soon, my insecurities came to the surface when she asked about my family. I couldn’t escape it. I had to face the pain of talking about my adoption.
From June – December of 2014, week after week, my counselor helped me through the horrid details of everything I had experienced over 27 years, things that even now – no one knows, and I started to realize that my relationship challenges with friends and family were linked closely to my feelings of abandonment. With greater understanding, I tried to put the past in the past.
Like clockwork, December 19, 2014, rolled around and my family and I gathered for my homecoming. We had sat down for dinner, same as before, and began talking about my adoption story as in year’s past. Except for this time, my mom dropped a bomb. She said, “I realized that I never told you the full story of what REALLY happened.”
“Ummmmm, I’m listening,” I said in disbelief. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing after 27 years. 27 years of being questioned and never having an answer. 27 years of wondering why. 27 years of pursuing God to feel whole but never quite fully living in His freedom. I sat there hanging on her every word. I was about to get my “why.” This is the what she recounted to me:
Your birth mother was very young and admitted herself to the hospital under an alias that was never tracked. (This part I knew). Your birth mother then took you home from the hospital after delivery. Three or four days later, you were found on a bench by a guard in front of the American Consulate in Santiago.
My dad chimed in, “What’s important about this is that the American Consulate is heavily guarded and protected. Every two minutes, a uniformed guard passes by the building.”
WAIT, WHAT? Hold up! You mean to tell me I wasn’t taken directly from the hospital to the orphanage as I had previously thought? I’m fairly sure I stopped breathing at this point. It was almost like I had an out of body experience and was hearing it over and over in my head. I was shocked! She loved me?
The weight of this new information — knowing my birth mom loved me so much to take me home with her, pray over me, and come up with a plan to put me in a safe place where someone would find me quickly — changed EVERYTHING for me. I imagined her watching me from across the street until the guard found me. She must have left me there with hopes that a loving family in the United States would adopt me and take care of me.
Those feelings of abandonment instantly turned into feelings of love and for the FIRST time in my 27 years of life, I felt free. “I never told you because I thought it would make you sad” my mom said. But in fact it was the total opposite!! I had given into a story that I created for so long which said that my birth mother had left me and didn’t want me and now I had a new story, a positive one, and it breathed a new sense of life into me. I truly believe that the Lord’s timing was at serious play in the moment, all thanks to my mother, who help carefully guarded that story to tell me at the exact time God wanted her too.
Now, I was finally on a journey of healing and self-discovery. First, my counselor was helping me cope with my experiences of growing up as an adopted child and being different. Then, my family gave me this new information that flipped everything I had known on its head. And third, I met my mentor. Things were starting to turn around!
My mentor’s name is Rachel. She’s a member of my church and my mentor for a program that my church sponsors called Flourish. I met her for the first time at Starbucks during our introductory meeting. She mentioned having read in my application that I was adopted and I immediately began to cry. I had made progress, but ya know, these were happy tears!
After I told her a little bit of my story, she unveiled to me that she is an adoptive mother. Then she told me that her husband works with Latin American public affairs and they are raising their ADOPTED son to speak English and Spanish. I felt an instant connection. I knew she could understand me better than most and I saw the Lord’s work at play once again. He had intentionally brought us together, I realized. A week later, I received a packet in the mail with the first mentoring lesson which Rachel and I would work on together over the next three months. It was all about identity. HELLO!?
I spent the first three months of 2015 diving into my identity and exploring my feelings around “the bench” and the sacrifice my mother made to put me in the right place at the right time. I did some deep work and I had the support of Rachel as well as my counselor. The walls were coming down for the first time.
After studying identity for three months, we moved onto a lesson devoted to finding your calling, then on prayer, and then on relationships, and by the end of the year, I was studying gratitude. Is God on top of this or WHAT! I asked myself every step of the way how to apply what I was learning into my daily life so that I could detach myself from the negative self-esteem that had been growing inside of me since I was a little girl. And it worked slowly but surely.
Finally, I wasn’t defining myself in the realm of this painful story anymore. I had broken away from the chains and felt free for the first time since age 6.
During this year, I had attended a church conference and I garnered all the courage I could to tell my small group about my feelings of self-doubt and not fitting in. A moment of panic set in right before I was going to divulge my story and it took me back my old thoughts, but the Lord spoke to me and reminded me that that wasn’t my truth anymore and I was able to share bits and pieces.
As we were nearing the end of the conference, my group leader asked me to chat with her for a second. She had something to give to me. She said, “I’ve been praying every day leading up to the conference and the Lord gave me a specific word for each member of the group. The Lord sees you and loves you and this is what he gave to me to give to you.” I turned over the card she placed in my hand. “Deeply loved,” it read.
Stay tuned for Part 3 of My Adoption Story on Nov. 30th! :D
[…] Deeply Loved Project has been such a blessing to me this year and if you read part 1 and part 2 of my story, you know!. God introduced me to three amazing families and their stories and my heart […]